Being single has its advantages. I never have to share my dessert, I never have to fight for the covers. When God called me to ministry I didn’t have to hope and pray that He called my husband to ministry too.
There are still times when my single heart longs for connection, to be in the relationship I was created to crave. I spent years trying to feel loved and fulfilled. We are relational beings, made in the image of our relational God.
There were so many nights I watched couples, desperately coveting their happiness. So many nights begging God not to be alone any more, tears streaming, heart aching. I would sit and sob, “why don’t I get to be in love?
I had a very hard lesson to learn, that for my life to fulfilled, I had to love Jesus so much that it was enough. What good is relationship with no Jesus? What good would a marriage be to me if Christ is not the center of my life?
I am heading off to Costa Rica, to men and women who use their bodies for profit. I don’t think it would be wrong to assume that they don’t know how truly loved and valuable they are? These men, these women, may have absolutely no idea what real love looks like.
And even more frightening, if they don’t know Jesus, what hope do they have of ever knowing what love is? If they don’t have Christ telling them that they are loved, how will they ever love themselves?
Those nights I yelled at God and cried myself to sleep from loneliness seem so small now. I have always had Jesus to run to. I have always had the shoulder of the Father to cry on.
So here I am now, tears streaming, heart aching. They have no Jesus! Their loneliness is so real, so dark and so inescapable on their own! There is no hope without You Lord! Please God, let them know You! Please let me tell them that you are enough!